Hey team, your favourite lad o' leisure here...

Rather than my usual long-winded account of my (mis)adventures, here is my bargain-basement wrap of my recent travels:

Distance travelled: 14,369 km (8930 miles)

Address: Apt. H-1, Timber Ridge Ghetto, 1280 N. Frontage Road W. Vail Colorado 81651

Location: Vail, CO

Altitude: 8200 ft. above sea level

Altitude effects: Dizziness and really cheap nights on the piss.

Beer: Shit. My local stocks Coopers Pale & Sparkling.

Powder days: 3

Accommodation: Ghetto

Uniform: Blue and sexy

Size of ski area: Disneyland proportions

Scenery: Breathtaking

American arseholes sighted: 1000 (approx.)

Average tip: $100 a day

Average income of guests: $214,000

Flight delays: All of them

Weather: Sunny

Tan: Hideous

Smile: Cheesy and huge.

Housemates: Peruvian

Neighbours: Noisy shitheads

Beautiful women sighted: 1

Celebrities spotted: 3 (Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake & Tiger Woods) - like, wow. Not.

Average lunch: Shrimp, salmon, roast pork/beef, pasta salad and espresso coffee.

Life in general: Pretty fucken awesome.

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